Yesterday, was my first personal session of EMDR. EMDR is a technique that is used to help release trauma stored in the body.
Before I started my session with Beverly and Mary, they asked me to bring a list of traumas to work on. I wrote down “Suicidal thoughts, money insecurities, fear of death, lack of inner power, fear of abandonment and control issues. Guided by the Holy Spirit, I asked Beverly which one to start on. She said to start with the suicidal thoughts and asked me when the first time I had a suicidal thought.
As I gazed back to my past, I can remember first time I had those thoughts was when my friend Rachael died in a car accident four years ago. I was angry towards God for taking her. I stopped going to church. I thought it was my fault she had died. If only I would have hung out with her the previous night, she wouldn’t have been in that situation. I had taken responsibility for her death.
Years later, on a rational level, I know it was not my fault. But on a emotional level, I had never grieved that lost. I was too angry and bitter to do so.
An interesting thing happened in the session, Beverly guided me to believe that Rachael had never left me. That she actually needed to go home first to be a trailblazer for my path in life. I burst into tears. Rachael had never left me, she simply had to watch over me in a new form.
I have always view Rachael as a little sister as I helped to convince her to attend Kent State with me. Well now the roles are reversed she is my big sister watching over me from up above. She has a new purpose and it is to help guide me on this new life for myself.
Love ya big sis. Thanks for watching over me my guardian angel and Go Flashes!
Prayer: Heavenly Father, how grateful we are for your daughter Rachael “Carli” Woodruff. Thank you that she is still alive today simply in a new form. Thank you that she never did abandon me, but is still with me and all of her loved ones. We are so grateful that she is a trailblazer, not just for me, but for so many others. We pray this in Jesus name. Amen.